i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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