I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize