IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
