is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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