Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The ass gains better be worth it
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