They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
