Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize