So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
