I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
