I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
