i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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