My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
