An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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