Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
