The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
