I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
