Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
