you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
