And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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