sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
