No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
