Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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