the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
