Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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