We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
