Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
