Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
