you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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