My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
