I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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