Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
