The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
