He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
