I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
