No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize