I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
