People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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