Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
