he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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