in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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