She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
