how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
