now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
