Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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