Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
