My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
