i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
