When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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