I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
