I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize