I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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