the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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