I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize