The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
