Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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