ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
my poor anus
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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