this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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