Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
