apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
