I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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