Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
