i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
