Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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