She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
