I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
