Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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